The day my Bra exploded!

Reader beware, this week I am talking crap….quite literally!!

It was just an ordinary weekend. We were out doing a bit of shopping and browsing around. It was late August and I was 8 months pregnant with our second daughter at the time.  I was big, hot and just downright miserable and not really in the mood for looking at shit for the sake of getting out of the house! I wanted to stay at home sitting on my fat ass eating cheese, but my darling husband had other ideas. Our first daughter Ellie; who had just turned 3 was with us and was still in pull ups at the time (this little nugget of info comes into the story a bit later!)

As we are walking around I notice a funny wet looking stain on my shirt. My heart stopped; ‘oh my god I’m lactating!!!’ I thought. I was starting to think maybe I brushed against something in the hardware store we were in. But now the stain was getting bigger! ‘I must be leaking!!’ I thought. I had to change. So I went to the nearest store, bought a t-shirt and went into the family change room. My little girl wanted to come in with me. This was fairly typical every time we went anywhere. She was just learning to use the toilet like a big girl and every dirty germ infested public toilet seemed like a great place to put her put newly found pooping skills into good practice! Although encouraged by the prospect of not having to buy friggin pull ups anymore, it could be a little frustrating. Especially when we would get into a store and get all the way round to the opposite end of where the washrooms are and she says ‘I need the toilet Mummy!’ Oh gawd!!

Once I was a meany green beany and asked if she could hold it till we got nearer to the toilets. She said yes. She lied. I ended up cleaning shit out of her rain boots all afternoon. I learnt a very valuable lesson that day! But I digress!

So I get into the toilet take my top off and realize, MY FRIGGIN GEL BRA HAD EXPLODED!!! I’m covered in this horrible gel substance from tata’s to tummy! Holy numchuks, so now I’m trying to wash my floppy udders in the sink whilst my lil girl is swiftly getting on the toilet. Little knownst to me she had already macaronied her pull up and has painted herself in it! I mean it was everywhere! All over her legs, the seat, the bowl everywhere!! I’m going crazy at this point, I’m standing here in a public washroom half naked covered in silicone and toddler shish! I’m freaking out, how am I going to get this all off??? Then the little monster turns the light out on me! Oh great, now I’m naked, covered in excrement, in the dark perfect! Once I finally find the light and get cleared up and get out of there I realize I must have been in the there almost 45 mins!!  It was a nightmare!

I apologize for sharing this level of detail with ya, but I’m sure you can understand my anxiety! Its a day I will never forget and quite the story. In fact its one of those stories. You know, the ones that ya bust out at parties and totally embarrass them when they are older. Yeah I’m looking forward to that! What’s worse I had to throw out my bra and spent the rest of the day subjecting everyone who looked my way to my great big pregnancy boobs flopping about all over the place, yikes!!!!

As a mother I have many poop stories in my repertoire, what mother doesn’t right? We all have at least one that springs to mind, but I promise to only share this one!

If you have any stories that are stressful, funny, ridiculous, unbelievable, supernatural or crazy, then please feel free to share them here! I’d love to know I’m not the only one going slowly going cray cray out there!

Dee. xxx